What's in Your Dreams?

© Rolffimages | Dreamstime.com

Over the last several weeks, I have been working with my dreams. As I spend more time with them and get to know them, I notice I feel less anxious about having a "bad" dream. I am learning to appreciate the gifts that can be found within even the most unpleasant dreams.

So it is with our bodies, as well. When we experience pain, we can move away from it, or we can move toward it. There are many parallels between exploring the pains in our physical body and exploring the meaning of our dreams. 

What yet unknown information is held deep within the unexplored parts of our being? Like the messages in our bodies, these messages from the night are worthy of our attention.

"As the mind explores the symbol, it is led to ideas that lie beyond the grasp of reason." -Carl Jung

Unitarian Universalist minister and dream explorer, Jeremy Taylor, believes that "all dreams come in the service of health and wholeness." He argues that we dream about things we are ready to see and the fact that we are dreaming a dream means we have the capacity to work through it in some way.

This matches my experience. Dreams often point to the issues we are wrestling with in our waking lives. Having a dream about these scenarios gives us the opportunity to explore them in a different way. Dreams are full of metaphor and symbol, which invites us to tap into the non-linear parts of ourselves. We "get out of our head," so to speak. 

© Nadiaforkosh | Dreamstime.com

Dream Work

As I have been delving into my dreams, one of my favorite questions to ask has been, "what is the question this dream wants me to be conscious of?" Another similar approach is to ask "what is the gift in this dream?" These both allow me to open into the possibility that there is something in my dream that wants to be seen or known. 

There are many different approaches to dream work. As a starting point, I like Jeremy Taylor's Dream Work Toolkit. He describes "Six Basic Hints for Dream Work," including "No dreams come just to tell you what you already know." 

Another way to begin is to give your dream a title. This can be a way to capture the essence of a dream. The title may be a simple description of the focal point. What stands out to you in your dream?

Whenever we have unpleasant dreams, we have a choice about how we respond. If we want to, we can explore the meaning in the dream. For example, we can imagine facing the scary creature coming at us. By engaging with this creature and seeing it, does it become more or less scary? What does it have to tell us? If something feels too scary to face, can we imagine an alternative ending where we get away from the scary thing or where something or someone comes in and protects us?

There are many creative ways that we can work with the images and characters of our dreams and find resolution. In my experience, dreams show me parts of myself that are hidden in the shadows. Working with our dreams is a chance to bring these parts of ourselves into the light.

Hello, Pain

© Leoblanchette | Dreamstime.com

One recent morning, I woke up to find that my left ankle was swollen and in pain. I was getting ready to go to work, hiking and camping for the weekend, and I was not happy that my ankle was hurting. Truthfully, I was scared. My mind went to a million places at once. What happened? What's wrong? Should I go to work? Should I stay home? How can I take care of myself and still get to work and do my job?

I applied a homeopathic cream to reduce the swelling. I took an over-the-counter anti-inflammatory pain reliever. I wrapped my ankle and went to work. 

How many of us have done that before? We carry on and push forward and go about our day even when our body is giving us clear signs that something is up. I modified my work load for the weekend, skipped one of the hikes and took it easy as best I could. I was okay. And, I wasn't really listening to my body.

Even when I returned home, I kept going. I assumed my ankle would get better and did not pay it much attention. I rested, sort of. I convinced myself it was getting better, the swelling was going down and my range of motion was increasing. This was true, but clearly my ankle still hurt and was still swollen, days later. I could not walk normally or put my full weight on my foot.

Listening to Our Bodies

Perhaps you are not like me and you would have gone to the doctor that first day. Sometimes I do that, too. This time it took me a full week.

As a Somatic Therapist, here's where it gets interesting. I went to the doctor because I finally slowed down enough to listen to my body. Literally. I asked my ankle if it wanted to go to the doctor and I heard, "yes." Clearly. From my ankle itself, not from my head.

Intellectually, I had a sense that it would be helpful for me to have someone else examine my ankle. However, it was not until I really heard my ankle's response that I went to the doctor.

The doctor's visit itself was partially helpful because it ruled out certain possibilities, nothing broken, nothing strained. Okay, that's what I suspected all along. Now I could turn my attention to what I know how to do, which is to get to know the experience in my ankle and listen to what it wants to tell me. 

Alligator in the Ankle

Throughout the week, I had been sensing into my ankle on and off, but only half paying attention. Twice I asked if there was an image in my ankle and twice I saw an alligator clamping down on the joint. In those moments, I did not want to know anything more about that, so I moved on to whatever else I was doing.

© Artemfurman | Dreamstime.com

I started to realize I wanted someone to be with me as I got to know more about this alligator. That's why I was avoiding it, I didn't want to explore it by myself. It felt like too much.

So I got help. With the skillful and caring presence of Jessamyn Tallyn, who is a practitioner of Jin Shin Jyutsu and Manual Osteopathy, I was able to hear more clearly what was going on in my ankle. I saw the bigger picture and had a better sense of what was preventing me from grounding and standing fully in my left side. She helped me release something and bring in love and gentleness, which encouraged the flow of energy. Something started to shift.

My sense is that all of the ways we have of caring for and listening to our bodies are part of the healing process. In my case, I needed to go to the doctor for diagnosis, or at least to rule out certain possibilities. In some way, that was the beginning of me taking my ankle seriously and listening to what it had to say. That was the beginning of my healing process. Our bodies have so much to tell us when we are ready to listen. 

On one level, my ankle continues to heal and feel better. On another level, I gained something else, too. The best way I can describe it is to say that I retrieved some part of me. Through listening to my body and understanding the ways I was constricting and holding myself back, I was able to let some of that go and regain a sense of fullness and power.

Wanting to Give Up

Do you ever feel like you want to give up, like you are waging an uphill battle that you cannot win? Sometimes I do. Sometimes the world seems so dark and hopeless. It can feel like whatever I am facing is insurmountable and I am all alone.

Feelings like this can be scary. What can we possibly do when we feel hopeless? It can feel like nothing makes a difference and nothing matters.

In my experience, my body reflects what I am feeling. When I want to give up, my body feels heavy and weighed down, every small movement takes incredible effort and I have no energy for anything.

What can we do?

As counter-intuitive as it may seem, the first thing we can do is to make room for our feelings. What does it mean "to make room" for what we're feeling? Well, to start, we can acknowledge that we feel like giving up. Once we notice those feelings are present, we can say to ourselves, "oh, I feel like giving up right now."

Part of making room for our feelings is to greet them in a gentle way, as if we are speaking to a small child who needs tenderness and care. This can take practice, especially if that is not the way we were treated as children. I encourage you to give it try and see how it feels.

Getting to know our "unwanted feelings"

The next thing we can do is to take the time to sit with our feelings. I mean this on an intimate and body level. Can you feel in your body where hopelessness lives? Where are the edges? Does it have a sound? A color? What would it be like to sit with the physical sensations that are present? Can you bring an energy of curiosity to your exploration?

If this seems silly to you, no big deal. If you want, you can suspend judgement for a few minutes and simply notice what you feel as you explore your experience. Alternatively, notice the part of you that feels silly or does not want to try this.

If you are feeling open and interested, you could even have a dialogue with your experience. You may be surprised by what comes up. Ask a question right into a feeling state, such as "wanting to give up," or into a physical sensation in your body. The question could be "do you have a message for me?" or "what do you need?" or whatever else you feel compelled to ask. 

The idea is not to try to come up with an answer. Rather, sit and wait and listen and see what comes to you. For example, you may receive an answer in the form of an image, words, or a sensation. You may also receive no answer or it may come to you at some later point. This is an experiment and an exploration. There is no right or wrong answer. It is an opportunity to be with yourself in an intimate way and see what is there.

Feelings vs truth

Whatever you are feeling is simply that, a feeling. The nature of feelings is that they appear for a while and disappear again, flowing from one to the next. As adults, we often interrupt this process. We have learned that some feelings are better than others (and more socially acceptable) and we have all kinds of ways to hold on to what feels good and avoid what feels bad. The practice of befriending all of our feelings helps them move more freely within us.

Think of a small child who is upset and angry one minute and happy and playing the next. That is what it looks like when we let our emotions flow. I am not necessarily suggesting we as adults should throw tantrums in the supermarket. However, can you sense how free you might feel if you did? To me, it feels incredibly liberating. It can be enough to imagine the kid in you throwing a tantrum without having to actually do it outwardly.

In the case of feeling hopeless or like you want to give up, there may be an inner voice contributing to that feeling. I like to call this voice "The Defeater." It says things like, "What's the point? It's not going to work, anyway. You can't do it."

It is important to identify this voice. As convincing as it may seem and as tied to it as we may be, it does not speak the truth. It has an agenda that is all about bringing us down and defeating us. Being able to see and know it, helps us to detangle ourselves from it. We do not have to believe it.

Bringing love in

Remember when I said part of making room for our feelings is to greet them with care and tenderness? This is perhaps the single most important thing we can do. When we feel hopeless, we can imagine ourselves wrapped in a blanket of love. When we want to give up, we can picture ourselves resting in a meadow of wildflowers or floating in a stream, held by the earth or held by the water.

Whatever it is that feels warm, light and comforting, we can bring to our experience. This is what allows our feelings to move on and then something else will come. I like to imagine and sense a drop of love going right into the center of whatever I am feeling. Then I don't feel so alone and something within me begins to shift.

There are plenty of times when I am not able to do this on my own. I try to picture something comforting and nothing comes or I can't feel it. This is when I need help. We all need help sometimes. Perhaps that is why we are all on this planet together, to help each other find love and to care for one another. I do not know if that is true or not. What I do know is this: there is love in the world and we all deserve to be met with love.

May you know you are loved

The ideas presented in this blog are adapted from my training at LIFE Movement and Hartford Family Institute. 

Bringing Kindness to Pain

When you see a tree growing in the woods, do you say to yourself, that tree sure could be straighter or taller or more tree-like? Do you pick on it and find fault? Or do you appreciate it for its beauty, its shade on a hot day, or its display of colors in the fall? 

Personally, I love trees. I see trees and I am so struck by something I cannot even name. I am filled with awe and wonder. I react to all kinds of trees in this way, especially if they are growing in unexpected places - like coming out of a rock - or are particularly snarled.

If trees are not your thing, what is? What do you love? What is something that you deeply appreciate when you see it, something you greet with care no matter how it appears? What touches your heart?

Now You

Before we go on, notice how it feels to deeply care for something or someone. How would you greet them? What would you say or do? Can you imagine being gentle and caring? Can you imagine loving them with all of their snarly imperfections?

Now, can you imagine greeting yourself in this same way? For some of us, that can be challenging, especially if we are in pain. We may feel impatient, frustrated or annoyed. That is absolutely understandable. When I am in pain, my first unconscious reaction is usually some version of "what is wrong now?" said in a not-so-nice way. I have to practice bringing kindness to myself and to my pain. 

View fullsize

Photo by Kate Grigg

The Practice

Here is what strikes me about this. If I am in pain and mad about it, I am fighting with myself. Not only am I uncomfortable because I am in pain, I am uncomfortable because I am moving away from the pain in some way. Maybe I am tensing around it or constricting my muscles. I am wishing the pain were not there and doing something on a body level to try not to feel it. And I am cranky about it.

If, however, I pause and remember that I could greet my pain the way I greet the trees I love, my experience changes. The pain may or may not feel exactly as it did. Oftentimes, I soften and the pain shifts or lessens to some degree. Even if that is not the case, I still feel more at ease because I am no longer fighting a part of me.

This can be a challenging practice. In my experience, it is worth it. I like to think of it this way: each time we can bring kindness to ourselves, we are building a reservoir. One drop at a time is all it takes. Over time, the reservoir grows and it becomes easier to access.

You do not have to be in pain to try this. At anytime you can imagine a drop of love being absorbed in your body and in your reservoir of kindness. As you do this, your capacity to love you grows.

May you be at peace

Where is the Pause Button?

This is week I have been wanting to pause time. I kept finding myself racing ahead to the next thing and the next. My mind was consumed by thoughts of the future and my whole body felt tense and on edge.

I wanted to slow down. I wanted my body to relax. I wanted to feel and believe that, somehow, everything would be okay and my world would not come crashing down if I put down my to-do list. I wanted time to be doing absolutely nothing and to not feel guilty about it. 

View fullsize

Pausing Time

How do we pause time? One simple way is to breathe, or as I have heard it said in yoga class, let you body be breathed. You can try it right now. Let the air come into your lungs. Feel the air going out. Witness your body breathing. You do not have to do anything, it happens on its own. Your body knows how to breathe.

Even as I type, I feel more relaxed and less rushed. I am coming into the present moment. There is nothing more to do here than to breathe for this one moment. We can rest in our breathing for one breath, two, maybe three or four. That is enough to slow ourselves down.

Perhaps you are like me and you notice your mind jumping ahead to the next moment. Not a problem. That is what our minds do. They are busy and incredibly active. That is their job. We can thank our minds for doing what they know how to do and we can return to our breath for another moment. In this way, we cultivate slowing down. It is a slowing down that happens on a body level. We are inviting our body into another way of being.

Real Life

Okay, so that was nice, you may be thinking, but now I have to go...make dinner, get the kids, go back to work or fill in the blank. I understand the reality of our daily lives is that we have a lot going on. We are busy people. What if we can take the feeling of slowing down right into the middle of our full days? Even as we are doing whatever task is at hand, we can remember that we are also breathing. We can invite a sense of slowing down and pausing in the midst of our daily comings and goings.

We can also find time in between things. I suspect there are plenty of moments each day when you have pause points. The next time you are waiting in line or stuck in traffic, feel your breath in your body and notice if anything shifts. 

Taking a Break

It can be challenging to simply pause. Admittedly, this week I had a hard time doing that. I was restless. I kept internally badgering myself. That happens sometimes.

What did I do? I got outside. I gave myself permission to take a break from all the things on my mind. I carved out time in my days so I could walk in the park. That is where I found my stillness. I sat on the trunk of a tree that had recently fallen. I lay on the grass under one of my favorite oaks. I let the earth hold me. There I felt my body and mind slow down. That is what sustained me through the week.

It some paradoxical way, when we slow down and take breaks, we have more time. That has been my experience. Everything that needs to happen still gets done. Somehow when we have more space for us, there is more space for everything.

I invite you to try it today. Pause to feel your breath. Take a break and get outside. I trust there is enough time in each day for us to slow down.