When is it time to let go of the comfort of familiarity and try something different? It is easy to continue to do things in a habitual way. It takes little thought; you may do it automatically. Can you tell when you are ready to take a risk and try a new approach?
Photo by Katherine Chase on Unsplash
My habit for many years had been to leave, to move away and try something new. New job. New friends. New state. Staying has never been comfortable.
Over ten years ago, something began to shift in me. I longed for the depth of connection to people and places that comes over many seasons and shared experiences. At one point in my life, I worked seasonal jobs and knew each place only by the season I worked there. Chicago in winter; Minnesota in summer. I didn’t know what the Chicago streets looked like with leaves on the trees. I didn’t know the Minnesota landscape covered in snow.
Partly I was restless, but also I was curious and loved not being tied down or “stuck” in one place. I was young and unattached. I felt free, drawn to whatever “next thing” awaited.
And then, life happened. I experienced loss and illness. I was tired of starting over each time I moved. I felt a subtle tug to settle down, to stay in one place. My priorities shifted and I experimented with living in one place for 1-2 years, then 3 or 4.
Here’s the thing about going from the familiar to the unfamiliar – it’s scary. It can feel like the end of the world. And in some ways, it is. It’s a letting go of the way you learned to live, of the way you learned to keep yourself safe. A shedding of the world as you knew it. It’s important to know you don’t have to force yourself into anything. If you’re considering changing a familiar way in which you do something, give yourself time and treat yourself gently.
Living Through Fear
I’ve lived in the Berkshires for two years this month. I started working at an organization in Lee as soon as I moved here and am coming up on my 2-year work anniversary. Honestly, that feels scary. I don’t truly want to leave, but I still feel the urge within me to bolt.
The difference now is two-fold:
1) I’m more aware of what I feel and why. I sense the momentary comfort I have when I imagine leaving. The sense of freedom. And I feel my breath catch and a rising panic at the thought of staying. Then I examine that a little more closely and know that I equate staying with being stuck or trapped.
2) I understand that even though it feels scary to stay that does not mean it’s the wrong choice or that something bad will happen. In fact, my fear is pointing me to a place of growth. I sense that if I can support and live through my fear, I will come into myself in a deeper way and feel more alive.
It can feel confusing or counterintuitive that fear is not something to avoid. And yet, countless times over the last several years, I have done or felt something that terrified me and come through the other side feeling a greater sense of aliveness and connection.
Path in the Berkshires as the seasons change
This does not mean I bulldoze over my fear. Instead, I welcome it. I get to know it. Fear is a feeling, an experience. A mixture of body sensations, accompanied by thoughts and beliefs. (Notice I did not say fear is “truth” or a “predictor of future doom.”)
Just like everything else you feel in any given moment, the experience of fear will not last forever. And, in ways I can barely articulate but intuitively understand, the very thing you are scared of, may in fact be THE thing that brings you the most joy and satisfaction; it may point to your soul’s yearning, your life force, your spirit.
What would it be like to explore the possibility that your fear has something to tell you about where you feel most alive? Or, simply, where your next point of growth is? Is fear holding you back from something you want? Are you living in a habitual, familiar way that, perhaps, keeps you from deeper meaning and satisfaction?
For me, right now, my practice is to stay, even when it feels scary, even when something deep within me wants to run. What happens, I wonder, if I sit with that experience and let it unfold within my awareness? I can still choose to go at any time. I don’t have to trap myself in any place or any situation. And I can take baby steps into something less familiar and notice what comes next. This is the path of growth and healing.
Katherine Grigg, MPC, RSMT has a Master of Pastoral Counseling degree and is a Registered Somatic Movement Therapist. She sees clients in Lenox, Massachusetts and over phone/video chat. Her holistic approach to healing has roots in somatics, body psychotherapy, spirituality and mindful movement. She specializes in working with women and members of the LGBTQ+ community. Contact her for more information.